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OK this is a new fic, basically I saw a fan video on youtube using this song and I loved it. The fic's in the form of a letter from Amy to Ste using the lines of the song. It's just one part but it's really long.
Hope you like it!xxx
Hey girl you know you drive me crazy, one look puts the rhythm in my hand.
That was the problem, wasn’t it, Ste? I drove you crazy, you loved me. Maybe you still do. You lost control whenever I did something for myself, whenever you saw me with my friends for fear that I would leave you. You wanted me all to yourself, you were possessive, jealous but you didn’t understand that you didn’t need to be. I’d have done anything for you but you didn’t seem to realise this. In a way I still would. And the things that I did for you, well, looking back it doesn’t make sense but I loved you. I acted completely out of character, I became someone who I didn’t even recognise. I gave up everything for you, living at home in my nice flat, my friends, my family, and finally myself, all for you.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around, I see what's going down.
Did you know what you were doing? I think that you do, although I had no idea at the time. Every time you hit me you thought that I was going to leave you, you had to find a way to stop me. And you did, you manipulated me and I believed you. I believed everything you told me. I think that there was a part of you that couldn’t believe that you had me, I’m not sure why I’m not exactly a great catch but to you I was something. And that meant the world to me. The fact that, in my eyes, you would do anything for me and Leah, you raised her as your own daughter even though she wasn’t. You were a great Dad, no matter what else happened.
Cover up with make up in the mirror, tell yourself it's never gonna happen again
How many times did I do exactly that? I can’t remember all the times that I put layers of foundation to cover up a bruise, or the times that I forced a smile onto my face so that no-one would suspect what was going on. And each time you hit me I believed that you were truly sorry, that you would never do it again. Sometimes I had no-where else to go, most of the time I didn’t want to leave. So I covered my face in foundation, ignoring the pain as I pressed into bruises that covered my body to protect you. I didn’t want anyone to know what was happening at our flat, I couldn’t tell anyone the truth.
you cry alone and then he swears he loves you.
Every single time that you hit me I would end up in a room by myself, or with my baby, trying to stop myself crying. You’re stronger than you think, your hurt me more than you’d believe. And every time you’d apologise and I’d accept it. Sometimes I forgave you more quickly than others, but I always ended up back in your arms. You’re very convincing and I didn’t recognise the game that you were playing. I went back to you again, and again, and again. And every time I swore that I wouldn’t let you hit me again, and you swore that you wouldn’t ever hurt me again, but you did.
Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?
The first time that you shouted at me it scared me. It was completely out of character for you, at least at the time I thought that it was. You flipped out over something completely stupid, you’d made Leah a doll house and it was great. You’d put so much effort into it and I loved it, and I knew that Leah would too when she grew up. But you were angry about something, I don’t even remember what about but you saw the dolls house and something broke off that I was holding. And then you completely lost it, you smashed it, you just kept shouting that it was rubbish. I couldn’t make you understand that it wasn’t, that I was so happy, so amazed, that you’d made it for a baby who wasn’t even yours. But when you’d finished destroying the dolls house you turned on me, you shouted at me, yelled at me that it was rubbish, that you could never do anything and then you stormed out of the flat. I was terrified of you, all I could do was hug my daughter and cry. When you came back I didn’t dare to bring it up and you didn’t mention it either, I just hoped that your reaction was a one-off and that it wouldn’t happen again. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
I could see that you were angry with yourself every single time that it happened. I could see the anger leaving you, becoming guilt. But it was the look on your face as I fell, as I flinched away from you and I tried to get as far away from you as possible. It was the look of satisfaction that you’d caused me pain, the feeling that you had control made you feel powerful. Your fury used to leave you quickly, as soon as you saw me crying your face would crumpled and you immediately began to apologise, begging me to forgive you. Well, you did in the beginning. In the end you just stormed out of the flat or locked yourself in a room. You left me to look after myself, to put plasters on cuts, to try to see any bruises. You never apologised. And during all of that you left me to look after Leah too. The one thing I’ll say to you is that you never hurt me in front of her. And for that I’ll be eternally grateful to you, that you didn’t expose her to that. In my mind I know that it’s my fault that she could have been, my fault that she was in that position.
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
You didn’t believe that I’d ever work out what was going on, did you? You never thought that I’d see the truth, that you were lying to me, making me believe that what you were doing was my fault, that I deserved it. You brainwashed me, I truly thought that I had done something wrong. I tried to never do anything that would upset you, I abandoned my friends who just wanted to help me, I lost the support of my family through all the lies that I told for you. I told my family that you were Leah’s Dad, now I regret that lie more than anything, not because you were a bad father, you weren’t, but because it started off our life together. They threw us out and from that moment I had no-where else to go. I stayed in your arms, every time, you thought that you could carry on acting exactly the same and I would carry on forgiving you. And you were right, for a time.
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.
I’ve had to rebuild my life so many times after you’ve been a part of it. The first time, after we slept together, you ignored me. I’ll regret having sex with you, losing my virginity to you, for the rest of my life. I only did it because you and Michaela pressured me into it. I still can’t believe that the first time that I had sex was in the back of a car. It was everything that I hadn’t wanted for myself, I’d thought that I was better than that but I obviously wasn’t. I knew that I didn’t mean anything to you, that you’d taken what I’d offered you on a plate and nothing more than that, but I still felt something for you. I couldn’t help it, even though I tried not to. But I got over you, I tried to forget about you. But there’s always something special about the first person that you sleep with even if the sex itself wasn’t. That feeling stayed with me, it’s still there.
A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect, every action in this world will bear a consequence
It’s basic science. You drink too much, you get drunk, you hit me it hurts me. But your action didn’t have a consequence, I never left you. I believed, at least I wanted to believe, that you wouldn’t hurt me again. I couldn’t see what you were doing. It’s not like a film, whenever someone is a victim of domestic violence they leave. But this was real life and I didn’t leave you. And it became a routine, you acted however you wanted because you knew that I wouldn’t leave. However badly you acted, however much pain you caused me there wouldn’t be a consequence. I never did anything to try and stop you, I was too afraid.
If you wade around forever you will surely drown
There were so many warnings, so many chances for me to leave but I didn’t take any of them. And, after a while, the violence became a part of my life, I accepted it, I even felt that I deserved it. But I didn’t really know what I had done, didn’t understand how I could change my behaviour so that you wouldn’t ever have a reason to be angry at me. I could feel myself becoming frightened of you and I hated it. I hated the fact that you had the ability to frighten me. You know me, I’m stubborn, it took me so long to realise my fear. I persuaded myself that you loved me, that you didn’t mean to hurt me, I still want to believe it. And I know that I always will, at least a small part of me will always trust you, always love you.
I see what's going down.
Anyone who was watching our lives would have seen what was going on. You knew exactly what you were doing when you weren’t angry, when you got angry no-one could have gotten through to you. But when you were sober and sane all you wanted to do was love me, but your version of love is control. You felt like we always had to be together and that we couldn’t have any other friends. Well, I couldn’t have any other friends at least. And I had no idea. I believed you when you said that I shouldn’t see Michaela and Josh. I knew that you didn’t like Josh but I just thought that it was in the same way that Josh doesn’t like you. Because, and this is going to sound incredibly arrogant, you both wanted me. No idea why, but I didn’t realise that it was more serious than that. It’s only now that I’m away from you that I can see how controlling you were. But you were just insecure, at least that’s now I see it. You just needed someone to love you, I understand ‘cause I feel the same way a lot of the time. But there was still something missing, you needed someone who depended completely on you, but I was independent. I guess that it also didn’t help that I already had Leah, she’s not yours so you felt like you had something to prove.
I see the way you go and say your right again,
I don’t know if you could understand what you were doing, if you could see the monster that you were becoming. I saw it, when you were angry, but all other times I was blind to it. Michaela could see it, she always asked me why I stayed with you when I always seemed miserable and upset. She hated you, she still does, you know that but I don’t think that you care too much about that! The scary thing is that you truly thought that you were right, well that’s how it seemed to me. I still don’t know if you understand why you suddenly flip out. To me it seems like nothing but you always seem to get angry whenever I, well I guess that you’d call it ‘disobeying’. But you always had a reason. You always managed to justify your actions and I always believed you that I in some way deserved it.
say your right again, heed my lecture
No-one warned you about the consequences that would inevitably come. No-one knew that you had, and still have, anger problems, no-one could help you to cure your anger. I couldn’t help, I was too scared to talk to you about it for fear that you would get angry and hit me again. And I felt sorry for you. Seeing how your stepfather behaves made me feel that I could help you, it made me believe that you couldn’t help it. Everyone says that boys behave like their fathers did, I know that he’s not your Dad but you grew up watching him abuse your Mum and having to cope with him abusing you. No wonder you couldn’t help doing it, you were treating me like he treated your Mum. Seeing that made me feel so bad for you, that you’d had go grow up like that where as I’d grown up with two parents who loved me, and who loved each other. But there was one way that you weren’t like him. You were a good Dad to Leah, she was, well not related to you but I guess like your stepdaughter and you treated her like she was yours. You’re a much better person than him, Ste, as long as you get help.
Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?
And then you started to hit me. Do you remember the reason, Ste? We were skint, well we were always skint nothing new about that, but we had no food in the house. I was in Drive n Buy buying nappies for Leah but I didn’t have enough money. Kieran saw me and he offered to pay for them, he even bought the big pack. And I guess that he could tell that if I didn’t have enough money for nappies then I didn’t have enough for food so he bought me some food, just butter and bread and stuff. But then you got home and you saw the food and you started to kick off. You reminded me of the agreement that we’d made to wait until you got paid. I knew that you were right, but to me it made sense to take what was being offered. But I understand that I should have said no, it upset you to know that you couldn’t provide everything that we needed. But that doesn’t excuse what you did. You hit me, shouted then ran. I was so angry with you, you’d promised that you wouldn’t shout or anything like that ever again. But you did, you lied to me. I was left wondering why you hit me, I was so shocked, even though you’d shouted before I hadn’t expected you to hit me. I thought that you were better than that. But at the same time I knew that it was my fault, well I though that it was anyway.
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Did it make you feel better to see me flinch away from you? Did it make you feel powerful, like you finally had control? Did you feel better about yourself, watching me crumble in front of you? You must have seen the change in my reaction to you, the way that I was instantly on edge whenever you entered the room that I was in. When I was revising with Michaela, we’d been revising all afternoon and we were having a break. You came back with Leah and I instantly stiffened. I knew how you would react, I knew that you’d be angry. You threw Michaela out and then you had a go at me. I was terrified of you, I knew what was coming. But you didn’t shout, you didn’t hit me, but at the same time I knew that you were angry. For the rest of the evening I did everything for you, I didn’t want to give you an excuse to get even more angry at me. But I knew what I had done to upset you, you’d looked after Leah all day because I had to revise, and I wasn’t revising. In my mind it was understandable.
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
You knew that you shouldn’t hit me, didn’t you? You understood what you were doing but you didn’t know why you reacted as you did. I could see that, I could see your confusion and how upset you were whenever you hit me. And at the same time I guess that you knew that I’d leave you at some point if you didn’t change your behaviour. But even the thought of that couldn’t stop you. And, obviously, I didn’t leave you. I think that it got to the point where you thought that you could treat me however you wanted to and nothing would happen. You never thought that our life would end. I definitely didn’t, despite everything I loved you and I wanted to stay with you.
as your lies crumble down a new life she has.
The second time that I had to rebuild my life was after the joyriding accident. I was pregnant and I wanted to forget about it, that’s why I got in that car. But you crashed it, you were showing off. I felt so guilty after that, Michaela, Josh and Fletch were only in the car because of me. We ended up with community service but I had to start again. Michaela hated me, my Mum blamed her for it. And then I had Leah. I didn’t tell anyone about my pregnancy, I couldn’t cause anymore trouble after the joyriding thing and ending up in hospital. I nearly died because of you. Wasn’t that enough? My Mum took Leah away from me as soon as she was born. I couldn’t cope with being a Mum but I still wanted my baby. But I went along with her plan, I didn’t want to mess anything up and I thought that Leah would be better with her. How was I to know that she’d turn into a complete psycho? I was going out with Josh before, during, and after Leah’s birth. He was just the sweetest person and he was exactly what I needed after everything that I’d been through. He was everything that I’d been looking for. You hate him, understandably so but don’t do anything to him.
Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough.
Eventually I’d had enough. I’d put up with so much from you but finally it I was ready to leave. You’d told everyone that Leah had leukaemia, you’d been trying to nick Carmel’s purse for money. It was the first thing that came into your head. And I couldn’t tell the truth. I let the whole thing carry on, in a weird way I understood, felt sorry for you. You’d been trying to provide for me and Leah. But then the truth came out, we’d been hiding Leah inside the flat. I hated it, we were being given money and you didn’t seem to feel any guilt about it. When Nancy came round to our flat to shout at us, obviously she was angry and understandably so, I told her that it was your idea. I regretted saying it the minute that I did. I knew how you’d react the minute that she left. You pushed me and in that minute I was so furious with you that I pushed you back. I yelled at you, “don’t touch me,” but it was when you were standing staring at me that I was really afraid of you. You slammed me against the wall, you punched me in the stomach. It hurt so much, more than any of the other times. It was then that I knew that I had to leave you. You’d lied about my baby’s health, you made me lie too. So I grabbed Leah and I went home. I banged the door down but my Dad and Sarah didn’t let me in. I knew that they were inside but they didn’t react. So I went back to the flat. I had no-where else to go and I thought that you didn’t mean it. I told you that I’d been at Michaela’s, I didn’t want you to know that my own family didn’t want me. It would have given you more power, more control over me.
Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough.
Not long ago you threw boiling soup over me. I’d been planning the evening for ages, I wanted it to be special, a time just for us. So I put so much effort into it. But you ruined it, you got angry again. Earlier in the day I’d met Josh, he was having a rough time at home and he needed someone to talk to. He was just my friend, but you didn’t believe me, you were jealous, you thought that I was cheating. Like I would have ever done that. And then you asked me about my day. I didn’t tell you about meeting Josh because I knew that you’d jump to the wrong conclusions. You did, you saw us and you got so angry. You had to throw something, to let your anger out in some way. The closest thing to you was the soup pan. That hurt so badly, you seemed oblivious to my pain and my cries as I collapsed onto the floor. You came back in later that evening, I ignored you all night, I ignored all of your apologies. You told me, you swore to me that you loved me, that you were sorry and that it wouldn’t happen again. But I resisted everything, in my heart I knew that you didn’t, that you would do it again. You turned up in the hospital while I was waiting to go in. I couldn’t ignore you forever, eventually the nurse came to see me and she saw you. I left you with Leah, I didn’t want you anywhere near me but I trusted you with my daughter. Why after everything that you did I don’t know. The nurse knew what happened, I knew that she knew but I maintained that I’d had an accident with the pan. It was a bad burn, it was wrapped up and she told me that I should tell someone what happened. I agreed but I knew that I wouldn’t. I lied to protect you, I always lied for you. And after that? Well we were drinking cider together in the village on the way home. I’d decided to give you one last chance, one final chance. But you knew that I’d always forgive you, you just had to be patient. I knew it too, and I hated myself for it.
One day she will tell you that she has had enough
How many times did I say, “enough”, Ste? How many times did you swear that you were sorry, that it wouldn’t happen again? I forgave you again, and again, and again, every time you swore that you would change, that you regretted it. The thing was that I could see it in your eyes that you were sorry. I knew that you didn’t mean it, that you couldn’t help it. And that’s why I stayed with you, I wanted to help you even though I wasn’t sure that I could. But at some point I had to say “enough” for the last time. How does it feel, Ste? To know that I’m not coming back to you, that I mean it this time?
its coming round again.
It was a cycle, our life together, your anger. You’d get angry because of something that I did, you’d hit me or shout at you, you’d leave, return and apologise, I’d accept it and we’d move on. I grew to accept it, to recognise the signs. You could feel yourself getting angry, I could see you getting angry but I couldn’t do anything to calm you down and you certainly couldn’t calm yourself. So I just braced myself for the pain, I tried not to do anything that would make the situation worse, that would make you more angry. But eventually there was nothing that I could do but wait, wait for you to start shouting and hitting me. I’d try to block out the pain, to tell myself that you didn’t mean it, that you loved me. Eventually you’d apologise and say that you loved me, I believed you completely. I believed that you didn’t know what you were doing, that you couldn’t help doing it.
Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?
The time that you cut off all my hair, I still don’t understand why you did it. We hadn’t been getting on, the strapping was still on my arm where you burnt it with the soup. I came in the door and then I saw you sitting in the armchair. I jumped literally out of my skin, I hadn’t seen you, and then I saw the look on your face. It terrified me, it really did. You looked so angry, so dangerous, and I knew that there was nothing that I could do to stop you this time. I was in the bathroom, just keeping out of your way, when you came in. I tried to get as far away from you as I could, I was pressed up against the wall when you walked over to me. You didn’t say anything, you turned me around so that I was facing away from you and then you picked up the scissors. I had no idea what you were going to do, not until you grabbed my hair. My hair was so long, it was plaited that day. I loved it, it made me an individual. I begged you to stop, I pleaded with you but you didn’t listen. You just said, “why should I?” and then I told the lie that I think that I regret most. I told you that I was pregnant. It was a lie, it was the only way that I could think to stop you. I regretted it the moment that I said it, but I couldn’t tell you the truth. You stormed out and I was left, crying, holding my plait. My hair looked ridiculous, it was obvious that it had been cut with scissors. Michaela and Josh found out the next day when they pulled the hat that I’d been wearing off my head. Michaela gave me some money to get it cut. I was looking at in the mirror, I hated it but at least it was better than it was just after you cut it off, when you came through the door. I just looked at you, didn’t say anything, but you said that it looked amazing. I tried to tell you that I wasn’t pregnant, I felt so bad about the lie, but then you said that it was great and I was stuck. When I finally managed to tell you the truth you cried and apologised, you seemed genuinely gutted that I was so scared of you. You told me about your stepfather, how you didn’t want to end up like him and I believed you. I genuinely thought that you’d finally changed.
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
What was it about seeing me cry that made you feel better? What the hell was wrong with you that seeing me cringe away from you made you feel powerful? Did it make you feel better, watching me beg you not to hurt me anymore? Because that’s what it was all about, wasn’t it, Ste? You needed to feel like you were in control. And you could control me, you knew that you could. I don’t understand it, I don’t understand how seeing me in pain made you feel good about yourself. And that’s why I believed that you didn’t mean it, that you couldn’t help it. Because I didn’t, and still don’t, understand how your mind works.
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
Neither of us thought that our life together would end and I never thought that the abuse would end. I thought that we’d be together forever, and so did you. I loved you that much that I was willing to put up with anything to be with you. It sounds crazy, everyone’s asking me why I stayed with you for so long, but I loved you. You hear all these stories about the things that people do for the ones they love and you say that they’re mad, why would they put up with it? Being with you, I understood them, understood why they put up with it. Because I was one of them.
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has.
Once I started my life again with you, it started off this story. You turned up after you were released from Young Offender’s, I was furious with you. But I was alone, Dad was visiting Mum and Sarah was at a modelling contract in London. I couldn’t believe that you dared to show your face around Hollyoaks. You saw me with Leah, turned up at my house and then I went to look for you. I needed answers, I had to know why you ran away when you crashed the car. Well, obviously I knew that it was because you would be arrested but I thought that you cared about me. And I was pregnant, when I asked you if it would have made a difference the only thing that you wanted to know was if she was yours. But after that, well you helped me I guess. You came, uninvited I’d like to point out, to a party at my house. But someone was in my room, they were trying to steal my stuff. I went upstairs because Leah was crying but he picked up my baby and threatened to drop her. You rescued me, you grabbed her and threw him out. In that moment I realised that you could be good for me, I gave you another chance to prove yourself. It turned out to be one of many but I wasn’t to know that at the time. You moved in with me and we were happy together, we were like a proper family, you, me and Leah. I was so happy that you were willing to accept Leah as your own, even though she wasn’t related to you. But then Mum and Dad came back and Dad tried to throw you down the stairs. Understandably, I could have died because of you but then the lies started. You said that you were Leah’s Dad and I backed you up, I didn’t want my Dad to hurt you, so I supported you. From then the lies just kept on coming.
Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?
Finally I said enough. You hit me when I was pregnant, because of something that I’d said to Justin. You brought home a karaoke machine and a play station handheld game thing that you said was for Leah when you grew up. I was so proud of you, so pleased that you got something like that and wanted to give it to Leah rather than keep it for yourself. So I told Justin, I thought that we were starting to get over our problems but then the truth came out, that you’d taken them from people for work but you hadn’t given them to your boss. You exploded, you hit me and didn’t stop. Even the knowledge that I was pregnant didn’t stop you. I begged you to stop, I shouted that I was pregnant but you just said that I’d lied about it before. That didn’t make sense, you’d seen the positive test but you were too far gone at this point to notice anything. Then I finally got the courage to leave you. I had to, I didn’t want to but I couldn’t put my children in danger. As much as I wanted to believe that you wouldn’t hurt them, I really didn’t think that you could do that, I also didn’t think that you would hit me while I was pregnant with your baby. You were so happy when I told you, you said that we’d be a proper family, us, Leah and the baby. But I couldn’t do it anymore, I ran away from you and went to Michaela’s. That was the end of us together. I knew that I couldn’t stay with you anymore, I couldn’t expose my children to that.
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
You claimed that you loved me, when you were standing on top of that scaffolding you said that you worshipped me and Leah. The scaffolding idea was pathetic, I didn’t want you to jump, of course I didn’t, but I’d had enough by now. And I’d spent at least 24 hours with Dad, Sarah and Zoe telling me to ignore you. But finally, at that moment, I knew that you wanted to control me, you loved me but not enough to stop yourself from hurting me. And I couldn’t live with that anymore I couldn’t live with someone who had no control over himself. It wasn’t fair on my babies, and for one thing, Dad wouldn’t have let me go back to you and take them with me. And threatening to kill yourself, well I knew that you wouldn’t do it. I knew that you loved the idea of having a baby so I really didn’t think that you would do anything like that and miss your baby being born and growing up. It was then that it hit me that you wanted the attention, that you needed to be in control and feel powerful. And I’d finally had enough, I didn’t want to be controlled by anyone. But then you fell.
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
Our world together finally ended. It wasn’t pleasant, it hurt me more than I can say but I wasn’t going back to you. I think that you’re holding out for me, you live in the same flat that we lived in together, all be it with Justin instead of me, you haven’t changed anything. Actually, it’s messier than it was but apart from that. You keep trying to see me, to get to me in some way. And still a part of me wants to get back together with you. I remember the good times, there were more good times than bad, and how happy we were together. But then I remember all those times that you hit me, and I realise that I can never get back together with you.
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has.
And now I’m trying to start my life again, to get over you and to move on. I finally got the confidence to leave you but I hated it. I hated the change, and I was suddenly alone again. I moved back home and I started to go out with Josh again. He’s accepted me even though I’m pregnant with your baby, despite the fact that he hates you. That’s the kind of person who you need to be, Ste, still yourself but ready to accept situations. I’ve moved on, you need to do the same. It was hard but I know that it’s for the best. And I want you to be a part of your baby’s life, I don’t want you to feel excluded because I’m with Josh. You were a great Dad to Leah, I want you to show, to prove to people that you can be a good person. Because I know that, deep down, you are.
Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough.
I had to leave you, I really did, I think that you understand that. The physical pain didn’t last, it wasn’t that part that hurt me, it was the emotional pain that did far more damage. The knowledge that you could hurt me even though you claimed to love me gradually destroyed me. And then it was you on the floor, on the receiving end of the pain. My Dad hit you, I was so angry at him for doing that but then you fell off the scaffolding. I felt responsible for it, how did you cope with seeing me in pain because of you? Even though it was your fault that you slipped I still felt bad, like I had to do something to make it better.
Does it hurt, Ste, reading this? Knowing the damage that you did to me, how it affected me and ruined our relationship forever. Do you understand what you do, or do you still not know how to stop yourself? A part of me still loves you but I can’t stay with you. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone, me, you, Leah or our baby. A part of me will always love you, you are the father of my baby, you will always be a part of my life. But now I just hope that you can get the help that you need, that you deserve, so that someday we can have a proper relationship for the sake of our baby.
Love you forever,
Amy
xxxxxxx
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